I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
