she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
