maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
