based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The ass gains better be worth it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
