my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
