Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How does it feel to date your dad?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
