I got her a Nickelback box set.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
