You can't motorboat a personality
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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