Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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