Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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