One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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