So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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