You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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