Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
God, I missed his penis.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
