what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I forget how to act sober
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
