OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
