Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
