ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
