Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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