I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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