i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
