Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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