I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
