oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
