Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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