i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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