i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
