remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
