im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Congratulations! We have a period
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