The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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