i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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