so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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