Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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