i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Shame - the story of my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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