Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
