That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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