I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
