Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my liver is dry heaving
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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