I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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