he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
