Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
