I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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