I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
