Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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