you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
