Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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