Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
