so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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