I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
