She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
50% drunk capacity currently
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
