Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
